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Here we contrast Primal with several other types of events, so you know what to expect. This is not to denigrate other events. Each serves a purpose and has a constituency. But we want to make clear what we intend, and which types of energies we're trying to avoid. This helps make Primal a safe space and unique experience.
| Type of Event | Comparison with Primal | Swinger party | Most swinger parties have a narrow definition of sexuality. They assume all women are bi and all men are straight. That's much too narrow for Primal.
Many swinger events have an air of homophobia. Most Primal attendees identify as queer, and all seek to be in queer space. Most swinger parties put a high premium on conventional attractiveness. Primal celebrates all looks, body types, and ages. Most swingers emphasize only a few sex acts. Primal attendees have lots of ways of playing. Some people from the swinger community enjoy Primal. But many find it too varied and unstructured. Many people from the swinger community find it hard to adjust their attitudes and behaviors. Unicorn hunters have been disappointed. |
BDSM / Leather party | The hosts enjoy bdsm, and there's a lot of it at Primal. However, there are certain attitudes and behaviors sometimes seen at BDSM events that don't fit well at Primal:
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Fetish party |
"Fetish" events tend to be a lot about the clothes / look. Dancing is available, and sometimes central. There's a lot of standing around drinking.
While we admire fetish wear, people tend to wear a lot less at Primal, especially as the evening progresses. Drinking is forbidden. There's a lot more play at Primal than at any fetish event we've attended. Also, at many fetish events, there's a sense that people are there to be entertained by others. Not appropriate at Primal. Here we're all part of the show. |
Jack and Jill party |
A "jack and jill" party encourages masturbation and related exhibitionism. It may forbid or encourage mutual masturbation among attendees.
This is welcome at Primal, but other acts are more common. We highly recommend the Center for Sex and Culture's Masturbate-A-Thon events. |
Orgy |
The modern connotation of an orgy resembles an irresponsible grope fest. That won't happen at Primal. We require personal responsibility, mutual respect, enthusiastic consent, and safer sex practices.
Primal certainly permits attendees to organize large group scenes, open or closed, if they wish, but this is not common. Historically, "orgy" comes from ancient Greek all-night religious practices, such as the Eleusinian Mysteries, which changed over the centuries and continued into Classical Rome. Actual Roman orgies were banquets at which sex was permitted. We like that image. Many/most of them were all-male events. Since the Greeks and Romans lacked Puritan Guilt, their events would have a completely different energy than events in America today. |
"Gangbang" party |
There are parties where the focus is women getting attention from many men, at once or in sequence. Sometimes the men identify as "bulls". Some have an emphasis on "black into white".
This is not common at Primal. Some Primal attendees opt for group scenes, others don't. Rarely are Primal group scenes het-specific. |
"Cuckold" party |
There are parties where the focus is women getting attention from one or more men while her primary partner watches. This may or may not involve humiliation of the watching partner.
This is not common at Primal. |
"Tranny chaser" party |
A tranny chaser party pairs femme-presenting MTF folk with straight-identified cis-gendered men.
That doesn't fit at Primal, because there are essentially no straight folk admitted. That energy generally is not compatible with Primal energy. Also, few of the trans folk at Primal fit this demographic. We have far more FTM, gender-queer, and queer-identified trans people. |
"Admirer" party |
Typically there are lots of admirers and a smaller number of admirees, of some narrow definition. This tends to fetishize members of the admired group rather than connect with them.
While we are glad for people to be fetishized however and whenever they like, this is not a common dynamic at Primal. There's a big difference between being attracted to and fetishizing someone. We carefully avoid singling out any type(s) or group(s) as the center of attention, or the draw for others. We're all equals here. Unless you ask nicely to be someone's sex slave, of course. |
Crossdresser event |
There are many event geared to crossdressing, mainly MTF. Often these emphasize the mechanisms of dress, makeup, walk, presentation, etc.
Many Primal attendees are dressed as some gender other than that assigned at birth. Some identify in the CD community, but most do not. There are many different reasons and ways people change their gender presentation. At Primal, the emphasis is on being comfortable with whoever you are, or whoever you want to be that night. |
"Dirty" event | We've been to venues and events where people feel that what they or others are doing is dirty, shameful, bad, sleazy, etc. This seems like an unconscious fetish, or perhaps damaged sexuality. That's not welcome at Primal. Primal folks are rather happy, open, proud, and wholesome. | "Flamer" event |
We've been to a variety of shows and parties where some individuals act as loud flamers, demanding the attention of the whole room, to show how they are so special / queer / tranny / whatever. That's not welcome at Primal. We're all freaks here, and we're all comfortable with our identity and sexuality.
Please don't give off energy that it's weird or outrageous to be queer or trans or kinky or eccentric. Here at Primal, that is the norm. Relax. Welcome home. |
Backroom / Cruise-y event |
Certain other venues facilitate anonymous cruising.
Primal is well lit. The music is low. Attendees talk to each other - before, after, and maybe during. The energy is more warm and playful. There is little or no "blow and go". |
Commercial sex club | These businesses admit anyone with money, and soon become overrun with horny single men. Many of these guys behave in creepy ways, sometimes unknowingly. Packs of straight guys follow around anyone who's presenting as female.
Primal screens attendees and provides education, to avoid creepy behaviors and to exclude people inclined to them. Primal charges the same price for everyone, so no one feels entitled, and no one feels obliged. |
Commercial sex show, e.g. strip clubs | These distinguish the (paid) performers from audience. Primal has no audience, and no show. As they say at Burning Man, "no spectators". If you're here, you are a freak like the rest of us. Even if you choose only the role of voyeur, you need to bring positive energy as an appreciative admirer. There is no "us and them" here, only "us". | Pay for play | There are some parties, usually in hotel rooms, where men pay a lot to get in, and the unstated assumption is that they'll get free access to the women attendees, who all happen to be sex workers.
That is opposite to the Primal model. Here, all attendees are equal. No one has any entitlement. No sex work at Primal. |
Private sex parties | Primal is a private erotic party. However, it's larger than most. Primal serves a more diverse and underground group than most. Primal only aims to break even, and has no incentive to admit marginal or undesirable individuals.
Primal is better described as a social event that facilitates sex, rather than as a sex party. Many attendees are here because many of their friends are here and they like the atmosphere. Primal has none of the "desperate for sex" feel of some other events. |
Orientation-specific, gender-specific, or fetish-specific events | We strongly support others' rights to create separate space for specific groups. However, that's not Primal. Here we are inclusive, bringing together diverse groups, creating a unique symbiosis.
If you strongly prefer X-only parties (for any X), then you probably won't like Primal. If you have a narrow definition of the type of person you'd like talk to, then be sure to bring your own date. |
Youth-focused events. | Likewise, Primal attracts and celebrates people of all ages (18+ to 80+). We avoid the energy of "cute young things" getting too much attention (pestered), and others getting too little (ignored). Everyone's an individual here, not a commodity. |
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