Here are some of the things that have helped people heal / process / recover in the past:
Talk to people. Stay in contact with other people. Could be strangers, acquaintances, or safe friends. Any talking will do, for a start.
Face to face is good. By phone or email are useful too.
Complain. Find someone prepared to listen to your version of your problem, without interrupting or "helping". Tell it in full detail.
Write. Write down your version of the situation. Or write the hate letter that's in your head. You don't need to send it, but do write it.
Talk with a Therapist. There are many fine professionals who can listen without judgment, and then help you process things in your own way, at your own pace.
Be aware of the Stages of Grief. Any trauma or life change tends to trigger the same steps to process it. It's easier to go through them if you know the route.
And it's better to let yourself experience each stage, rather than repress it or try to skip or shorten it. Different people may do these in a different order, and may need some more than others.
Take care of your body. Sleep. Eat healthy, enjoyable food. Drink lots of water.
Listen deeply to music. Choose some music that you like.
Sit or lie down and do nothing but listen to it. Immerse yourself like at a fine concert. This can also be useful if you're having trouble sleeping.
Burn it off. Large muscle physical activity burns off the stress hormones, makes you feel better, and helps you think more clearly.
Walk, run, swim, bicycle, punch a pillow, stride up a hill.
Work it off. Focus on some task - job, volunteer, pet project. Stay busy with something positive. Keeps you anchored.
Look after someone or something. Walk a dog. Groom a cat. Take meals to someone in need. Helping others seems to help heal oneself.
Pamper yourself. Eat your comfort foods. Take long hot showers, baths, or hot tub soaks. Walk in a garden or greenhouse.
Uncover your intentions. Understand what it is you want now - to heal, to move on, to understand what happened, to be heard.
Stay Safe. Avoid physically or emotionally dangerous situations while you're in a distracted state.
Delay Life Decisions. Don't make avoidable life decisions while you're upset. It's not an ideal time to change jobs, alienate friends / relatives, or make large purchases or gambles.
Be gentle with yourself. Sometimes people turn the negativity inward, but that doesn't help.
Give yourself time. It's never easy, and it can't be rushed.
Renew your spiritual practice. If you have a spiritual practice that is life-affirming and sex-positive, find comfort there.
Avoid practices that are built on shame, guilt, or repression.
Celebrate what came before There were good times before, or you wouldn't feel bad about the loss. Remember those times, and allow the memories to be good.
Have a ritual of letting go. What, symbolically, would allow you to be at peace and move on?
People's attempts to resolve a past issue seem to fall into one of three categories:
In our experience, the stesses do gradually decrease, but never go away. It becomes part of one's baggage, and comes back to bite from time to time.
Healing from Crisis
Over the years we've seen a number of personal crises in the scene.
We don't think these are any more frequent among members of the BDSM community or other sexual minorities than in the general population, but they can involve additional issues, such as:
In the leather/BDSM communities, some common triggers include:
Choose a therapist who is already familiar with, and positive about, your type of sexuality:
And there are many suitable therapists not listed in these directories.
If you don't know anyone suitable, you can contact one, ask for a referral to others, and describe what you're looking for.
If you've missed work, the therapist can craft a note that may help you.
There are many resources with more details.
Resolution
Our vanilla society is focussed on negative approaches to "solving" problems - punishment, vindictiveness, destruction.
However, we have never seen a case where this makes any party to the situation better.
It just seems to push the bad karma around.
Avoidance
There are various forms of avoidance - toughing it out, withdrawl from the community, etc.
Punishment
Reconciliation
The Sport of Taking Offence